so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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