...so i touched it.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Boobs are out for the taking
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
