An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
