u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
