Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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