he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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