i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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