That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
