if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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