Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
