I never want to see another naked old woman again.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
