You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
