I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
