I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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