so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
