i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
