I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
