I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
