he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
