Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
