I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize