Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
just tell him i said nine months
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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