I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
