on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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