The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
