you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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