Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
So here I am, sexting at work.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
