um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
