Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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