need another drink. this is the easiest way
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
