piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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