Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
