Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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