I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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