This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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