I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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