I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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