yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
