My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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