What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
