you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
