saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
it was like his penis was on wheels.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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