I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
