nut hugger
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
