I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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