Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
