Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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