You're completely useless in the revolution.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
this just has baby written all over it
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
