I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
