Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
