She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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