youre lurking in front of me
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
