I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
