Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i think i just lost a toe
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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