Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
