shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
