there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Green mimosas i think yes
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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