Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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