If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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