Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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