Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
