youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
