Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just had sex bonerless
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
