im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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