I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
