Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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