She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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