I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
