Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
