I think my fart just growled at me.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
