roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
