We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
