Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
