mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
