I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
