I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
