Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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