I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
