when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
