if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Boobs speak an international language.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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