I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I am available for nakedness
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
