what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
