i think my tv is drunk
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
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