I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
apparently the secret to your success is patron
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
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