Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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