At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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