Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
