I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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