oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
