I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The beer is more important than you right now.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
