once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
