Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just high enough for therapy.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
