She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Never joke about your clitoris.
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